i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
