yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Don't tell me you're on acid again
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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