The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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