Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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