I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
