Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize