Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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