I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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