there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
