I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
