Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
