he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
