Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
