We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
