the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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