that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She bit a glass in half.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
