His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
