P.S. I can't hear my feet
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
