Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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