Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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