you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
