"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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