Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
