she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
