I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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