What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
