i need an iv and a liver transplant
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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