I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
