Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
