yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
