Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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