Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
