Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
