I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
