I can tuck mytits in my pants
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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