I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He has the fingertips of a God
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