sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
