plz talk dirty to me
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
