put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
