Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
