Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
