FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize