I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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