You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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