I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
