Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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