Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Sext me about skeletons
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
