Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
