He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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