She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
