i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
