Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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