Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I need to stop coming to work sober
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
These tits shall not be calmed
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
