i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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