i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
