my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
