She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
