maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
How's work?
Spinning.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
