he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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