Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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