He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
