i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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