I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
