What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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