you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
