I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
