she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
