I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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