I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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