i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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