that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
