I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
