At least make sure they are 18
Why
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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