Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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