So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
