No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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