Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
