So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
