Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
