i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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