i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
