Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
