Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
