Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
