Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
