please come you make the beer taste better
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
