oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
