Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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