Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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