i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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