guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
