I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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