Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize