he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
