i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
