All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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