i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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