you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
