maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Randomize